Quit India

When Sachin Tendulkar walks in, people switch on their T.V and switch off life. In 90's when India had nothing to look up to the world, Sachin Tendulkar would walk onto the crease and smash bowlers all over the ground and keep the Indian spirits high. As India steadied its economy by liberalising in late 90's and then later went on to become an emerging economic power, Sachin had piled up tons of runs and records. Thus cricket and India are interrelated. 

Cricket to India, is what Burger is to America and cheap technology is to China. Cricket pumps passion and patriotism in the country. But as far as I am concerned, Indian patriotism is not merely waving national flag while watching a cricket match. We have a rich Indian heritage to look up to. We are the one of oldest civilizations in the world. We still continue to be the centre stage of world spirituality.

But off late it has not been happy days for our country. We have witnessed greatest economic slowdown since 1980's. After the British looted our country and left, Indian politicians made sure that Indian wealth doesn’t get looted like that again. Hence they slowly saved bulk of this wealth as currency in their foreign bank accounts.

All we could do was fold arms, take a back seat and watch all that was happening. But there was occasional spark when people like Arvind Kejriwal stood up and fought all odds. He broke the conventional concept of VIP politics. He gave up minister bungalows and moved out without high profile securities. For the first time a journalist fried all politicians live on T.V, saying nation demanded the answer. Arnab Goswami shouted like his own sister was raped, when the national outbreak happened post Delhi gang rape case. For first time a politician and journalist sounded like one among us.

That was when I had to meet my NRI cousin from Britain, who was never one among us. We were going home after receiving him from the airport. He had settled in U.K along with Uncle and Aunt long back. He had come for summer vacations. Although we had good childhood memories, we don't share any nostalgic moments anymore. All I expected from his company was silence. 

But he started as soon as the Car was on move. Somebody just escaped from being hit by our car. In India being almost hit by a vehicle, is one of your daily routine like brushing teeth, bathing etc.

"Holy crap mahn! ", He said. "Holy crap" is the English word that all NRIs use to react to anything in India. 'WTF' has become so common in India, that even fisherman use it.

"I guess here people walk on road and vehicles on gutters". He said.

"Infact NASA scientist could practice their space vehicle launch on Indian Roads before going on moon. It would add lot of experience. "

That was the first goal he hit. But then I am not the person to answer all this. Our Great leader Gandhiji taught us non-violent movements. He observed civil Disobedience movement before launching Quit India movement and making British leave India. So I didn't say anything. I peacefully concentrated on my driving.

And after all NRIs are total different breeds. In fact they are a bunch of confused individuals who have no country of their own, a person who doesn't understand the importance of taking pride in one’s rich heritage. If at all anything interests them about the country, it is the depreciating value of the Indian rupee, during their foreign money exchanges.

That was when our car passed a guy peeing on the road side. Its not that we don't have enough toilets in India. But we are big time nature lovers. For everything we do, we try to integrate nature in to it.

“The National Geographic calls this country a heaven on earth. Holy crap!..Rope tricks, sadhus, cobras, people lying and peeing on roadsides. Does all these happen in Heaven?!. It doesn't make sense at all”, He said.

Everything in India irritates NRIs. They are highly crictical of the way we walk, pee, shit, literally anything.

This time I responded. “See no country is perfect. If Britain was so perfect, then why did they loot our wealth and take it to Britain?”

He didn't bother to respond. He sat like he heard nothing. I wanted to say him more but then for the sake of great Gandhiji, I did't say him anything. Gandhiji taught us to love even our enemy. I have to love him for another four hours. Its a long journey ahead.

“Brother, can I have a page”, He said as I was reading the newspaper. We were sitting in a coffee shop to take a break from the long drive. I felt hesitant to give him, as the paper was completely filled with materials to boost his sarcasm. The first page had 400 crore scam, I turned to regional page. Although not huge, they were competing with national scam. A 20 crore scam! Turned to sports page, “India lost to Bangladesh!” I gave him page-3, the entertainment news. Afteral Bollywood is accepted all over the world.

But still trouble couldn't be avoided. Headline was “Why is Salman Khan not getting married?”

“Why are Indians obsessed about Salman Khan's sex life?” He said. “All they wanted is to get married and breed like pigs everywhere. Look at the population, real pigs!”

I stood up from the table. He looked at me, wondering what I was going to do. There is a limit for everything. It was time for the next Gandhian mode, “Quit India”. I just walked out of the cafe. Didn't bother to even listen, what he was saying from behind. Car started, Soon I was on the move, leaving him behind.

“Quit my car at least!!”